10 Things to do for Your Wife Daily

If you have read my post about Making Your Wife Fall in Love with You Again,  then you have realized the importance of doing daily maintenance on your relationship.  Marriage has no "cruise control."  It is a delicate plant, which requires constant attention and care.  Here are 10 things which you should be doing daily for your maintenance.

1. Pray for her.  It's hard to be mad at someone you are praying for.  It is hard to get in a conflict or have bitterness towards someone you are praying for.  Most of the time, people are staying on the defense, trying to protect themselves.  Prayer is the offense for a great marriage and relationship.  As John F. Kennedy said, "The time to patch the roof is when the sun is shining."  Don't wait for things to get bad before you start praying.
2. Serve her.  Nelson Searcy of http://nelsonsearcy.com says that if Christianity was to be summed up in one word, it would be "service."  We are called to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and this means especially for our spouse.  On a chess board, the Queen is the most powerful piece.  It doesn't mean that she is more important than the king, because if the King is taken, the game is over.  I think the creators of chess understood an ancient principle - "if momma ain't happy, nobody is happy."  If you want to be respected as the King, then treat your wife like the Queen.  She has the most power on the board because she has your heart.  Not because she is in a position of authority, but because you have chosen that your kingdom is her kingdom.  The dating game that we play early on must be played for the rest of our lives.  She is not just a prize to be won, but a prize to be won daily.  And this can be accomplished through acts of service.
3. Listen to her. (Courtesy of my wife) I can not emphasize this one more.  Women want to be heard.  Not because they like to talk a lot (even though they do) but because they are creatures of communication.  Their emotion spills out through their heart, and they need to know that their partner in life hears, understands, and acknowledges what they are going through.  My wife and I went to a marriage seminar about 3 years ago.  Not because our marriage was in trouble, but because we wanted it to be the best it could possibly.  Most of the sessions were about effective communication.  There I learned a simple skill, to ensure that the art of listening was accomplished.  This was, whenever something is communicated to you, you then simply repeat it back to the person in their own words.  This accomplishes a few things: 1) it lets the person know you actually heard what they were saying 2) When you repeat it back to them, it lets them know you understand what they meant 3) and, if what you "heard" was different than what they intended, it allows them the opportunity to restate their meaning.  For example, if my wife said "I don't understand why you come home at the end of the day and still expect me to do everything around the house."  What I heard was "You don't think I do anything around the house."  (which does not seem true because you cut the grass, fix the plumbing, change her oil, vacuum the carpets, or whatever) But that gives her the opportunity to say, "No, I know there are a lot of things you do, but I just need help at the end of the day after keeping your wild daughter.  I need a little break."  Effective communication has taken place.
4. Encourage her.  I've heard it said that it takes between 12 and 20 good comments to cancel out the effect of bad comments.  There is negative everywhere we look.  Negative on the news, negative on the Radio, and your wife will receive negative from other family, and possibly even you.  That means you must do ALOT of making up for all the negative there is in the world.  Television loves to show super models who only eat 2 stalks of celery and an orange a day to maintain their figure.  This isn't reality.  Encourage her by telling her how beautiful she is, regardless of what the media says beauty looks like.  Encourage her by letting her know what a wonderful mother she is even though your daughter sometimes seems like a holy terror.  My mother only had about 6 different meals that she could cook, but you know what, she always had food on the table.  Encourage everything she does.  (Here is a tip:  What is celebrated is what you get more of.  Did she do a wonderful job preparing a surprise trip for your birthday?  Let her know how amazing it was.  Anything that is encouraged will happen more)  
5. Romance her.  My previous article listed above has several good tips for romancing.  As one woman mentioned to me - little things can go a long way.  Open the door, make her coffee, turn down her sheets.  Romance occurs when something happens out of the normal.  But also, when something happens that she can rely on such as: kissing her goodbye before you go to work, and kissing her goodnight before you go to bed.  Women like routines (at least I think) because it conveys a sense of security.  They know it is something they can rely on.  Lastly, do something completely crazy and out of the ordinary like - write her a poem.  (If this is so far beyond the realm of ability for you, contact me, and I will help you write one)  Do this, and you can bet on a little Brown Chicken Brown Cow.   
6. Comfort her.  I read one time about a painting of King James standing behind his Knights, and with his sword, he was prodding them into battle.  The caption for this painting was "King James Comforting His Troops."  Whether you know it or not, your wife is fighting a battle: for your kids, for her self, and for your heart.  The world and the devil tries to tear good things down.  50% of marriages end in divorce.   She needs comfort for the fight because it gets wearisome.  And the comfort doesn't meant that we just dry tears or hold; it means we stand behind, uphold, respect, and relieve any pressure that would prevent her from doing the best job that she can.  She needs to know there is a King by her side, and in the King's arms, nothing can stop them.
7. Protect her.  I remember one time asking my dad, "If there was a tornado, what would be the safest place in our house?"  His response was that we would gather in the middle of the house in the bathroom.  My mom, my sister and I would get into the bathtub, and my dad would be crouched over top of us.  If the roof failed, if the walls failed, and if the foundation failed, Dad would be left as a last resort.  My dad never offered much in terms of spiritual guidance or emotional security, but I always knew with him there, we would be physically safe.  Your wife needs to know the same thing about you; That when the tornadoes of life fall upon your family, you will be there shielding her, and literally over your dead body you will do everything to keep her from harm.  If there is something I want my wife to know, it's that I might make mistakes, I might have a lot of growing to do, but as long as I live, I will keep her and my children safe.  Safe from physical harm, spiritual harm, and emotional harm.  "Fathers don't need to provide a shelter, they need to provide a covering."  - Damon Thompson
8. Love her.  This kind of goes without saying.  That is what this whole post is about.  But my point here is that in this sentence "love her," love is a verb.  Love is not a feeling, it is an action.  We can tell our wives we love them all day long, but until we show them, our talk is vanity.  Show them through your heart, through our example, and through your time.  Everything we do must be built around their best interest.  
9. Appreciate her.  This is not just a feminine need, it is a human need.  I know from being in the ministry for 10 years that when you give all your heart to something, nothing means more than somebody recognizing it and saying thank you.  I know that during my darkest days, someone could simply say, "Thank you Pastor Jesse for all you do.  It has made a difference in my life."  This was like a flash of lighting on a dark night, that gave me the energy and the renewed vigor to continue on.  Your wife works hard.  Wether she is a career woman or a full time working mom, it takes a lot out of her.  Look her in the eye, and tell her specifically how she has impacted you or your family with her actions.  Sometimes, all she wants is a "Thank You."
10. Bless her.  I remember one time at a Discipleship Now event my Youth Pastor Dave told the leaders and chaperones during an altar call, "All I want you to do is go around and speak blessing over the young people."  I had really never heard of such a thing.  We have the ability to speak blessing?  God has truly revealed to me the power that lies in the tongue - the power to speak life or to speak death.  Speak life over your wife.  Speak prophecy of blessings and prosperity over her creativity, her heart, her passions, her body, and her spirit.  God was repeatedly speaking covenants of blessings with Israel, and with the Church.  Why?  Because she was the BRIDE of Christ.  (hint hint)  If God was always speaking blessing and blessing his bride, then shouldn't we do the same for ours?  I know this last part may be a bit confusing, but let me conclude with this: The words we say have the ability to bless or curse.  My prayer is that your words will always bless.